I was recently involved in one of Stockton's open house events. I have personally never worked an open house even but it was nostalgic and refreshing to chat with others who are now walking in the shoes I've long ago worn myself.
In this particular case, I wasn't representing Stockton as an RA, but as a graduate student for prospective students interested in grad school. We went through the typical motions: the "Stockton pitch," the PowerPoint, the Q&A, a brief tour etc. Everything was going as expected, and then one (brave) student asked, "How did you make yourself stand out?" That was a big question to me. I always tell myself that the hardest part of my senior year was applying to graduate school. It was like taking a full 4-credit course at the time. Part of that process was portraying myself in the best, most realistic light. The real reason this question stood out to me though, is because college is such a formative experience if you allow it to be. In these years we have the opportunities to be leaders, creators, entrepreneurs, and representatives. I started to reflect on my own leadership experiences, such as being an RA, and realized that everything I have opened myself up to has lead me to where I am today. Like most student leaders, I said "yes" to a lot of opportunities. Keep in mind, it is perfectly fine if you yourself choose not to get involved on campus, even as an observer or a participant. The opportunity to make that choice is what makes college so special. So, while I can't give you the answer to "how do I stand out?" I encourage you to reflect on where you've been, where you are, and where you're going.
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I remember the summer of my Freshman year of college, between graduating high school on top of the world, and standing on the edge of one I was about to enter at Stockton. The doors were open, they were limitless, and nothing could stop me. I probably spent half a savings account on garbage I didn't need, but seemed so necessary for my success.
I was the second of three brothers to live away at school so naturally I felt I had high achievement standards to make my family proud. Like most people, I feel like I got settled into my new dorm, became best buds with my new roommate, and lived like a king for the first week completely parent free. Eventually the reality hits and you realize a lot of things exactly contribute to your GPA, and there IS a limit to how much dining hall food you can consume in a short time. The purpose of this letter is to share my experiences in the form of advice I wish I had throughout college. Don't Stress Over the Little Things First and foremost, EVERYTHING will serve to be a stressor at some point of your career. Some things will be little, like waking up for an 8:30, and some things will be major, like applying for grad school. Once you put the little things into perspective and realize what will have the greatest impact 5 years from now, you'll set yourself free from small weights. Find Yourself More Than Once I went through my goth phase when I was 13 and I'm almost positive at this point I've moved on from that. But isn't it the great part of college? Letting go of embarrassing accidents from high school and phony identities we embrace before we know who we really are. This is the time where science tells us our limbic systems are fully developed, and have the capacity for adult thinking. So don't be afraid to try on new hats, as many times as you need. Hang with different cliques. Don't worry if you don't know who "you" is just yet. You'll get there. Never Upset Your Mom I recall an awkward conversation with my mom late at night. Our mutual stubbornness led to an argument and I HAD to prove her wrong. It was something silly, I'm sure, but at the time I thought it would satisfy me to get the final word. It didn't. And it probably won't matter if you do. Take the time to realize during these years that you don't have to win every argument, and don't actively upset those who love you. Keep the bridges standing strong. Be Empathetic No good empathetic response begins with, "at least..." This kind of language diminishes the importance of someone else's issue and only serves to find make it sound not so bad. It isn't your job to determine how important something is for another person. This will help you strengthen bonds with the people you love. Take Care of Yourself FIRST Don't worry what others are doing, or how they might appear to be doing. You'll hold your own hand on this journey, so keep yourself in good condition. You're more likely to get sick when you're highly stressed, and you can't win if you don't show up. Take mental health days if you need them, and learn what it means to practice positive self care rather than indulgence. Learn How to Handle Difficult Conversations Whether it's addressing your roommate who hasn't cleaned their half of the dishes, or breaking up with your high school honey, these are conversations that must happen to thrive as an adult. Taking them on maturely rather than ignoring them will only help you. Explain to Someone Why You LOVE a Piece of Music Even if they don't agree, it helps you formulate a rational positive thought about something you really care about. This skill will help you immensely in school and life and help distinguish you as a reliable resource for people to listen to. Ask ten friends to do the same, and see what kinds of answers they give. I think you might be surprised. Embrace Other Cultures College is the ultimate melting pot of experiences. You can learn a lot by engaging in conversation and listening to those who have other experiences. It helps shape who you are and better prepares you for your future career. Learn How to Fall FLAT I wish I could slap myself for every time I bent myself out of shape over a bombed exam. I've never been the type to thrive off of calculating every grade and point to make an "A." You'll get there on your own...not by the pen. It's okay if you have to take a class twice, or make the decision that you aren't ready for something when it hits you. Excuse me...get your ass up, and keep going! Find a Mentor There are THOUSANDS of people on this campus who have amazing experiences and stories. They might be professors, faculty, RA's, or other students. Find out what your goals are, no matter how big or small, and find out who shares those values with you. They'll have a lot to teach you (thanks, Emily!) Photo credit: Laura Eguia |
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